How are you? How have you been? Or neither?

We just discussed, in the previous post, the first words you mention once they pick up the phone. What comes after? The first question.

“Am I speaking to Tracy?”

“Did I catch you at the wrong time?”

“How are you?”

“How have you been?”

Four options. One is better. Or maybe not. Let’s see.

Let’s start with the first option. “Am I speaking with Tracy?” I hear this many times when I receive cold calls. It is not ideal. You should open the call with “Hi Tracy” and not ask to confirm who you are talking to. Unless there is significant uncertainty and the possibility that you might be talking with someone else, this option is not the best.

The second option is a popular one in cold calling tactics. It has been recommended quite a few times. The logic is the induce the person to say “no,” which hooks them in and then makes it more difficult for them to reject the conversation. I always say, and I discussed the matter thoroughly in my book, that most hooks prove to be ineffective. Buyers are irritated by your attempts to hook them in against their will and play these little tricks. In fact, evidence from Gong.io shows that this question leads to a 40% lower chance of booking a meeting.

There are two possible options left. They seem very similar. Yet, one is terrible while the other is good.

Never ask “How are you?” It’s atrocious. The brain has heard it a million times. It goes on autopilot with the “Fine, thanks” and immediately prepares the buyer for the sales pitch.

Now, something is intriguing about “How have you been?” Evidence from Gong.io, analyzing thousands of cold calls, found that this question increases the likelihood of booking a meeting by a staggering 6.6 times, reaching a 10% success rate, which, in cold calling, is pretty good. That’s a big difference!

It works because it’s unexpected by the buyer, it surprises them, and it interrupts their pattern of thought, not positioning you as the classic telemarketer. Furthermore, “How have you been?” differs from “How are you?” because it focuses on the past, it’s warmer, more personal, and it implies you care for their ongoing experience rather than their present state. I also like this question because, depending on the tone of the answer, it gives you information about the mood of the buyer, which helps you set the approach to the call.

Good arguments. But here lies a problem. The key reason why “How have you been?” works is that it’s unexpected, and it is something buyers hear less. Guess what? Knowing of its effectiveness, now, more people are using it, so it’s not that unexpected anymore. As I always say, if any recommendation makes you stand out, its effectiveness will wane the moment everyone starts using it.

But there might be a solution. First, we need a warm-up question for a good flow after the introduction. In linguistic anthropology, Malinowski calls it a phatic expression. It’s not aimed at getting information, butat establishing a social connection. You need to signal friendliness and openness to a dialogue, which prompts the social brain to treat the exchange as a conversation and not a sales pitch. Our brain also prompts reciprocity. If someone tells you something nice, you are impelled to reciprocate.

The other reason is that the question must be unexpected and not appear canned. It has to be something others don’t use, so that you are not flagged as the classic pushy telemarketer.

So, be warm and unexpected. You can even choose your own question that might pertain to the specific context of the buyer, their job, their company, or the city where they live. Something easy, which does not require cognitive effort, but also at the same time activates their brain and does not create the autopilot “fine, thanks.” A good warm-up question has a full sentence as an answer.

But be careful! Long warm-up chats decrease your chances. Small talks of 20 seconds hurt your chances of booking an appointment, while6-10 second warm-up chats improve it.

A simple example. I am a professor. A little tweak from “How have you been?” to “How has your semester been so far?” gives the same vibe but contextualizes the call, as professors think in terms of semesters. It also gives the opportunity for a richer answer, reflecting on the whole semester instead of just the day.

So “How have you been?” is good and easy. Your own contextualized question, when properly identified and fine-tuned, could even be better.

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